(No Title... Unfinished)
Once upon a time there lived a beautiful queen, she always surrounded by people, waiting on her every want and need. She knew people from just about every place on earth she imagined. Yet she was deeply lonely and longed for freedom from a deep dark feeling that always held her down.
You could never look at the queen and sense even a small amount of darkness inside her... She played her role as queen and she played it very well. The beautiful queen was always laughing and smiling. Waving and speaking to all around her.
For many days, weeks, months, and years she did this. Smile, wave, greet, and socialize.
Overtime something began to change inside the queen. everything so routine and mundane. Smile, wave, greet, smile, wave, greet. Her smile grew a little dimmer, her wave a little lower, her greetings much more rushed.
Love is his hands around my neck, letting go as my body falls lifeless.
Love is when he says he’s sorry and will never do it again.
Love is when I hide the busted lips and bruises with make-up.
Love is when he waits on me hand and foot for weeks on end.
All my life, even as a child, I’ve only known love and physical pain as equal. The cycle, for me, has been never ending.
The Cheerleader & The Skank
We weren’t supposed to be Friends you know
what an odd picture we make
Our story is a fabliau
Called the Cheerleader and the Skank
I come to you with a tale of friendship
between two women, we’ll meet
different yet the same, this lasting kinship
making the other complete.
Blonde cheerleader, you know the kind
peppy, petite with perfect hair
Underneath darkness intertwined
a secret she couldn’t share.
Outcast red-head, pudgy and loud
from the wrong side everyone said
despite being determined and proud
she’d end up a junky or dead.
Thrown together by happenstance
In the dredges of ‘The Poke’
they learned that they both loved to dance
and as rebels began to smoke.
The unlikely friendship continued to grow
through parties, boyfriends and beer
unknowingly racking up tales of woe
laughing at what others couldn’t hear.
Marriage, babies, hilarity and tears
life continued as it tends to do
addiction, betrayal, and two years
go by, then a phone call out of the blue.
I need my friend, no questions at all
I’m on my way right now
the cheerleader, the first to take the fall
pills in the bath-tub was how
The skank’s fall was on the inside
Addiction no one could see
Very few would know the why
only those closest effected by the spree
Both now on the upward climb
Life a bit more on track
No longer screaming, so sublime
busy with kids, jobs and getting it all back
The only thing always present in the end
To cut through the shit and be frank
Each others ‘hide the body’ friend
The Cheerleader and the Skank.
By Regina Sherfield
Witchy Art Challenge
Crystal of Oklahoma was born on June 19, 1980 and crossed realms on March 23, 2017.
She will be remembered for her smile and for being a mother to her own children, also to many other children who passed through their lives.
She did many things throughout her life trying to find out who she was, with many struggles and triumphs.
Crystal l is survived by her children Alex & Aiden, Jaxon and Izobella, her parents Rick and Don, and Ray, her siblings Nick, Rikki, and Samuel, her nephew Carson and niece Carlli.
There will be no services held.
We only ask you to pray that her spirit makes a safe passage over into the next life.
My favorite quote and what it means to me
“This too shall pass…”
This quote is very popular at the moment. It makes a lovely tattoo and means different things to many people.
To me, this quote says and means so much, it speaks to me on so many levels. When I first began trying to control my anxiety without so much medication, it became my mantra. While taking slow deep breaths I'd repeat over and over to myself, “This too shall pass, this too shall pass.” It almost always worked.
This quote reminds me that everything on this earth walk is temporary. Every emotion we feel will pass, some faster than others, but regardless of the amount of time it takes, “This too shall pass.”
Just like this life
Never take a single moment for granted, always know that the universe has a plan. My first husband always said that everything works out for the good in life, every moment of happiness or sorrow, evolves into something bigger and better.
So just when you start to believe that you can't take anymore… remember, “This too shall pass.”
Share your favorite quote and why it inspires you.
What are your favorite affirmations?
Here are a few of mine...
I am worthy.
I now discover how wonderful I am I choose to love and enjoy myself.
I live in the now. Each moment is new. I choose to see my self-worth. I love and approve of myself.
I am a divine expression of life. I love and accept myself where I am right now.
Affirmations are something like self talk. I use a dry erase marker and write them on a mirror in my bedroom so I see them often. The more times you tell yourself, "I am worthy" your mind, body, and spirit will know it's true. You will see changes in yourself and in the way people act towards you.
And trust me when I say this "You Are Worthy!"
I am reflecting tonight. There are several old photos here, they were taken at Beale Street Music Festival in 2010. This is a festival we try to make every year. This year in particular was a life changing point for me. This is the trip where I became a meth addict.
It started out as me feeling like a baby because I couldn't party like everyone else, my husband said, “hey try this it'll sober you up if you get too drunk.” Knowing better due to a long history on my side of the family being meth addicts. I watched my uncle die from it, my 2 younger brothers constantly in trouble over it, my biological father also in and out of prison my whole life. I thought, this 1 time won't hurt anything.
Stayed drunk, high, and loaded up on pain pills the entire time we were there that year. Had a BLAST!!! Didn't use again for a few months.
Then it became a “only on the weekends” thing. The weekends started coming earlier and earlier, Thursday than Wednesday, Tuesday, then after your “weekend” binge you obviously had to get high Monday morning so you could function until the weekend started back on Tuesday.
Suddenly, years had passed, I had remained a “functioning” meth addict throughout most of my addiction.
There were periods during that time when I would be clean for days, weeks, sometimes months even. But, it seemed like I just could never stay away from it. No matter where I went or who I was around it was always there. And in my weakness I could never say no.
I lost quite possibly the best job I ever had simply because I didn't call and make my schedule. Which at that time I was choosing my own schedule making close to $27 an hour. I was too messed up to make one simple phone call. This sent me into a spiral.
Finally, it did get to a point where I was no longer functioning. I didn't sleep, never ate, my house was disgusting. My kids rarely made it to school, my life became an absolute and total disaster. My health was deteriorating by the day, I weighed 85 lbs at my lowest weight. If anyone even touched me with even the slightest bit of pressure I would bruise. And, oh my poor babies, Spirit had her hand on us through this period. The guilt I still feel to this day is almost unbearable.
With a big huge fight, my husband had me to leave my older 2 children with their father, who I knew was also an addict and an alcoholic. That time in my life was the hardest, most difficult, and heart wrenching times I've ever experienced.
We went to Little Rock and I did get clean for awhile. I used once while there. My husband had not been the greatest throughout this process. I ended up losing custody of my oldest 2 due to the older 2 being afraid of him, because of things he had done to me, and to them. The problem with that was, their dad still had not even began to work on his sobriety.
I left my husband, took the younger 2 and hid at my cousins for a few weeks until I felt it would be safe to come back home. When I did finally come back home, guess who was waiting for me? Between, somehow getting back on meth and allowing Eric to come back, I was damn near right back where I had started.
Unfortunately, after I had fought the battle once again to get clean. The older kids dad had lost custody of the kids to DHS. Wow, what a nightmare I will never forget, and I'm certain my children will not either. I was there to get them was willing to take a drug test and they still would not let me have my children.
I continued to use on and off all throughout this time as well. Looking back, my sense of logic must have been gone.
I finally got clean for good, and fought a long Hard battle to get my kids back. But, I did it!
I would say life is far from perfect right now, but it's good.
I hope if you're reading this and are in a bad place like I was at one time, just know, it can happen, people do get clean and live normal lives after addiction. Is it easy? No, there are still days now that I fight the cravings.
If I even seem a little off kilter now and then, I have people who are standing beside me who can see when I'm having a rough day and will immediately call me out. I am very thankful for that.
Have a beautiful night and Blesser Be!